When You Need It The Most
by savvyliterate
Summary: Unable to sleep, Luke and April have a middle-of-the-night father-daughter talk. (set during AYITL)


_Author's note: This fic takes place in the middle of "Summer," after the Gilmore-Danes-Nardini family dinner. There are spoilers for "The Husbands of River Song" from Doctor Who, so you have been warned!_

* * *

 _"When You Need It The Most"_

The evening had been everything Luke had hoped it would be with both April and Rory home.

Family meals like this had been one of those crazy recurring dreams he'd had in the year he and Lorelai had been apart, one of the ones that left his heart aching so badly when he woke that he wondered if the pain would ever go away. That first Thanksgiving after they had gotten back together, Luke walked out of the diner's kitchen to see his family crowded around several tables pushed together: Lorelai, Rory, April, TJ, Liz, Doula, and even Jess. It caught him off guard to the point that he immediately pushed back into the kitchen and pressed his hands to his eyes until he was sure he wouldn't embarrass himself by crying.

He believed he would fall sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Luke found himself staring at the ceiling as Lorelai slept next to him, his thoughts and no small amount of guilt keeping him awake. He heard the sounds of the TV downstairs and threw back the covers, deciding to join whoever was awake. Hopefully whatever was on was asinine enough to lull him to sleep.

April looked up from her book as he descended the stairs. She was dressed in oversized pajamas and a robe, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. An open box with a half-eaten pizza sat on the coffee table before her.

She pushed her glasses up her nose as he dropped down next to her on the couch. "I thought old men needed lots of sleep," she teased. "You know, since you can't make it through an episode of _The Returned_ and all."

"You turn 50 and no one ever lets you forget it," Luke grumbled good-naturedly. "Everyone forgets the being up at 5 a.m. part."

"Uh huh. I saw you tossing the AARP junk mail in the recycle bin before Lorelai could notice."

He scowled at her. "Don't you dare say a word."

"Would I?" April's eyes were the picture of innocence, but he knew better. "That was a good meal earlier."

"So good that you're eating pizza," Luke pointed out, nudging the box with his foot.

"Rory and I walked over and got it. It's a post-dessert late-night snack." Mischief danced in her eyes. "And it has _real_ cheese."

"Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?" He reached for a slice. "You're the one who set me up with your swim coach in the first place."

"You're the one who eats healthy." April helped herself to another slice.

"I eat healthy, not cardboard," Luke pointed out, took a bite and closed his eyes. Even a decade later, the memory of vegan cheese made him relish the real stuff.

"You lied about not knowing how to swim so you'd get to talk to her more."

He nudged her side. "And you lied about not smoking pot."

April gaped at him. "How'd you know?"

"First of all, I'm your dad. Second, Lorelai isn't as subtle as she thinks she is."

April rolled her eyes, and Luke chuckled. They focused on their food, and he found himself thinking back to the night they had shared leftover pizza after that miserable attempt at dating. Miserable and, quite frankly, terrifying. There had been sticky buns for dessert along with the pizza, and he and April had split one once the pit in his stomach had been filled with real food. He absently wondered if the girls had ordered any this go around.

"Everything's OK with you and Lorelai, isn't it?" April's question, so quiet it was nearly a whisper, startled him. Her nose was back in the book now, but he could tell that she wasn't reading the page.

Luke thought of how Lorelai hadn't told him about her therapy alone and how he hadn't told her about looking at real estate with her mother. He thought about how she'd been subtly pulling away from him, and the panic slowly building in the back of his mind. "We're good," he lied.

"That's good." April absently toyed with the pages of the book.

He saw where the nose ring had been removed, thanks to Rory's help. "Planning to punch anymore holes in your body?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Want me to put on _The Returned_?"

He scowled, then they grinned at each other. "No, there's some _Doctor Who_ on the DVR. Put that on."

April grabbed the remote and scrolled through the DVR until she located the episodes. "Oh Dad, you're stuck back in series 6."

"I'm not stuck back there. I liked that season. I've seen everything up through December. I just wasn't really into that last companion."

"Clara? Yeah, me neither. I miss the Ponds." April reached the last episode on the DVR. "Oh! _The Husbands of River Song!_ You have a thing for River, don't you?"

Luke felt his face heating up and grumbled, "Just put it on."

Even though Lorelai wasn't a huge fan of _Doctor Who_ , she had actually loved this episode as well. It drew enough from her beloved screwball comedies that her laughing at the show had been among some of the first joy she experienced in the months after Richard Gilmore died. Luke knew he would do what it took to make sure that episode stuck around on their TVs. OK, he _could_ order the DVD. Maybe he'd do that in the morning.

Luke found himself watching April watch the episode. When had his kid grown up? When had Rory grown up? For the first time in awhile, he felt his age, and he hated it. "I don't mind, you know. The smoking pot."

"Huh, that's what Rory said," April replied without taking her eyes off the TV. "You ever done it?"

They both knew what the answer would be. Luke's hatred of smoking anything was well known, considering it was lung cancer that killed his father. "No, and I don't plan to start."

"I don't want to do it again," April admitted.

"Good." He hoped she didn't hear the relief in his voice.

April arched an eyebrow at him. "You're trying so hard to be cool."

"Just watch the TV."

Another 10 minutes passed. The Doctor had just pretended to take in the TARDIS for the very first time in his personal favorite scene in the episode. As River unearthed the hidden drinks bar, April asked, "Are you really OK with me going to Germany?"

"Yeah." Luke lapsed into silence for a moment, the conversation he had earlier with Lorelai still circling in his head.. "You know, you could work some shifts in the diner to help pay for it."

"Sure! That'd be cool." April turned her head toward him, the reflection from the TV catching in her glasses. "Are you sure everything's OK? I mean, I'm not really in tune with the emotion stuff, but you look worried."

Luke smiled. "Nothing you need to worry about."

April looked like she wasn't sure she believed him, but turned back to the episode.

As the Doctor and River were trying to ward off Hydroflax, she asked, "I was wondering. Since I'm about to start grad school and all, and I never really asked …"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you and Lorelai break up for a year?"

Luke just stared at the TV, not quite seeing the actors on screen. He closed his eyes. It had been the question he'd been dreading for nine years, not sure how to answer it without making April feel like she was at fault. "April …"

"I guessed part of it," April rushed on. "I know it had to do with me."

Luke reached over to grab the remote, pausing the episode. "Remember when you were in 11th grade, and you had those two guys, one here and one in New Mexico … uh …"

"Bob Klimsky and Peter Chalmers?" April prompted him.

"Yeah. And you liked both of them but couldn't figure out how to juggle both relationships? Kind of like that."

"Huh." April chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"That's a lame analogy."

Luke very nearly slapped his forehead with his palm, but decided that really wasn't the parental move to pull here. "Look, what happened between us was between us. And a lot of it was my fault. But, I want you to know that I've _never_ regretted you finding me. I don't want you to think for even a second that I did."

"OK." April took the remote back from him, her finger hovering over the pause button. "But you two still look like you're kind of angry with each other."

"Lorelai's dad died nine months ago. It's been really hard on her. It's brought up a lot of bad memories, and she's having to deal with them. It just takes time." Luke sighed. "There's things on her mind she doesn't want to talk about, and when she's ready, she will. We'll be all right."

He even mostly believed it.

April snuggled into his side, like she used to when she was in her early teens. It was a move she didn't pull that often, even back a decade earlier. He looped an arm around her in a side hug. "I don't want you sad again, like you were when she wasn't here," she said.

"I won't be sad like that again," Luke promised.

They broke the hug, and April resumed the episode.

They were to the very last scene when she spoke up again. "Maybe that's the two of you."

"Hmm?" Luke saw the Doctor and River standing next to each other on the balcony, as River talked about how she never expected a monolith to love her back. His heart ached slightly. He knew all too well how that felt.

"You and Lorelai. You're like the Singing Towers of Darillium. You've been standing next to each other, for years and years, throughout a lot of good times and bad ones. You're singing to each other, but sometimes, you don't think the other is listening. But the music is still beautiful."

"When you least expect it but always when you need it the most there is a song," the Doctor told River on the TV.

Luke just stared at them, several realizations falling into place at once.

* * *

Luke sneaked back into the bedroom, back under the covers, and wrapped himself around Lorelai. His hands stole beneath her pajama top to rest on her stomach, his fingers absently swirling small patterns over her skin. He buried his nose in her hair, breathing her scent in deep. Despite their snippy conversation earlier, just her presence calmed something deep inside him.

He noticed the moment her breathing changed, and she stirred a bit. She rolled so she lay on her back, blinking sleepy eyes at him. "You're still awake."

"Yeah, I am." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry for snapping at you about April."

Lorelai stiffened a bit, and Luke kept tracing those slow, gentle patterns on her stomach. "I get it. She's your kid."

"She is … but you know how I feel Rory is a little bit mine? April's a little bit yours too. I offered her a job at the diner to help pay for the Germany trip. You were right."

"I like hearing those words." She smiled at him, a real smile. It was one of those that lit up her face, and he found himself thinking that he didn't remember the last time he had seen her smile like this. His breath caught in his throat as he buried his face in her hair once more, blinking furiously.

Her hands found his back, rubbing soothing circles. "Hey, what's this?"

"I love you," Luke said, his voice choked with emotion. "You remember that, OK? No matter what's going through your head."

"I love you too." Lorelai pushed at his shoulders until he pulled back just enough to kiss her, pouring everything he couldn't say into it. His hands tugged at the hem of her pajama top, and she raised her arms to let him pull it off. "Oooh, are we rollicking?"

He laughed and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.


End file.
